angry

For once, I'm finally agnry. I want to cry, I want to punch things, Scream, anything for the world to realize I'M ANGRY. Not to long ago I started to go out with this one person, not the person I wanted to go out with originally, but he was still good, kind of in a way like a rebound, but I liked him anyways. So we've kissed & I trust him. I trust everyone, but not totally. It's like I give them chances. So today, my friend Emilia got me angry because of what she said. So, we were all in this convo, Janchu, Emilia, Jewels & Annie. They were trying to convince me to go to korean BBQ with them. I told them to go, Annie & I had plans, but I told her to go. I said I had to talk to Bradd because he got kicked out of his house. Then Emilia starts off by "o-o I talked to him already. he wasn't kicked out of his house either. he told me his aunt sweared (** incorrect spelling Annie corrects her to swore) at him & he didn't go home. So he went to his cousin's house to "teach her a lesson" so wtf...either he is lieing to you Alissa because you cannot get locks changed in like a few minutes.....so either he was lieing to you or he made up the story to me >_>" Then Annie goes ">>i don't like that brandon kid." After Emilia says "my friend Ty who used to be bradds bff said he was a liar >_> that's why they didn't hang out anymore...cuz bradd lies...and that he thinks too much of himself.. im not trying to make him sound bad. just saying...thats the story he told me >_>" Like this WHOLE thing got me angry. You may not be trying to make him sound bad, but it hurts to to hear you say bad things about someone I'm expecting so much about. Did they think maybe, just maybe, he wasn't lying, nothing was his fault, anything NOT bad. I try to hard not to think anything bad about humanity, I always thought good. I tried to trust, to expect so much joy in people, to be good, but when people crush my dreams like that, it's like someone stabbed me real hard in my heart. The always have this long rants about something that I want to do but once I think something they said isn't right, they make it seem bad. I wanted him to seem like a good person, I wanted my little dreams to stay as they were. I sat there in front of my computer for a few minutes just staring at the screen. At the messages. Holding back the tears. I know I'm sensitive, I know I cry alot, but to do this, it's like shit talking in my face. Maybe I don't want to hear the true. Maybe I want to pretend the world is a happy perfect place. The world doesn't seem to share the same ideas I have appearantly have. I wish I had someone to cry on so badly, but I have no one. I'll just hold back the tears. It's fine. It's always fine & perfect. You know, little Alissa, even angry, always so calm, smiling, happy. Well, you know just fuck it. EVERYTHING is FINEE. EVERY FUCKING THING IS THIS FUCKING STUPID WORLD FULL OF FUCKING RETARDED HUMANITY TAHT IS FULL OF BITCHES IS FUCKING SHITTLY FINEE!