Grades (Grade school)

So I picked a girl friend from each grade.
One) Rain, she was so funny & was my best friend, she introduced me to Four. We had SOO many memories. She was my first sister. Stellar girl. (Y) I don't remember much.
Two) Leena, I still know her to this day & we hang out TONS! Even with her height she's still one of the coolest people I know. She's so funny when she insults someone. Her jokes are so good. When she gets mad, she'll kick your arse. She loves facebook, gaia & I think zuup. Not sure. I love going to her house, because we spend the best times together, liek my birthday. <3 Three) the time i had no friends besides Rain & Leena Four) MADDIE!!My first bisexual friend, ever. <3 She's a perv, but she's so funny. x) She also has those tiems when she cries & calls me just to talk. ): I hope I make her feel better. It woudl be better in real life so she could she this BEATIFUL face of mine. I joke, I joke. =PBut I have known her for a while. I don't remember it but Rain told me she introduced us to each other. Mehh...Who needs memories from then when you can make new ones now. Five) ...o____o I don't remember ONE thing from grade five.

Boys don't effin understand.

- Brett says:

Alissa.
When we were going out.
I didnt mean to anger you.. I honestly don't know what I did.. I really liked you.. I was so nervous to mess things up.. I wanted to see you and I understand your mom wouldn't let you do that stuff.. I just missed you alot.. I honestly don't know if that's what angered you.. I'm sorry for that.. I know i'm obsessive.. But that's because I really like you.. That's all.
And yes I questioned alot of things.. Only because I'm very curious about things.
- ` Elle.Nerd - Boo! says:
yes but you also got angry at me when i woudln't tell you, & if you haven't noticed you don't need to know everyone
- Brett says:
Alissa.. I wasn't angry at you.. I was angry at the fact you put somone before me. When the situation was about me. I just wanted to know the person because I can't stand when people are like that towards me when i'm not like that towards them.
I didn't mean to anger you on that.. I understand you don't break promises.. The only problem I seen was that how could you make a promise with somone who you fought with.
Which was my main concern.
And I was worried that you made the whole thing up because you didn't want me anymore.. I'm really sorry Alissa.. Those things hurt me alot.. I flip out.. But I was never angry at you.
- ` Elle.Nerd - Boo! says:
yeahh, well maybe you should have thought that before & yuo shoudl get over it, we only knew each other for a little while
- Brett says:
LOL
Thought of what before.
Honestly.
Nothing changed in the matter.
You just don't understand everything I say and i'm sure what others say to you.
We talk to you.
And you think we're yelling at you.
Or pissed at you.
And trying to piss you off.
But
Your the whole reason the situation rose up
You made a promise not to tell that guys name to me.
ok
But why did you have to tell me what the guy said
You started that problem
You coulda just kept it to yourself
But you didn't
And that's ur problem Alissa.
Not mine.
Your telling me get over it ?
LOL
Mabye you should learn how to be in a relationship before you start talking trash about other ppl.
I miss you yes.
But I miss you for your nice side.
But I guess I should understand it.
I mean
You mom always bitches at you and you hate it.
I guess you get that bitchy side from her.
And yes
I know i sound mean right now
why
Because your fucking rude.
- ` Elle.Nerd - Boo! says:
thanks
& your a fucking asshole
- Brett says:
Really ?
Cause i'm not the one starting this
You are.
I know it would never happen because that's the way you are.
But
If you were all depressed
- ` Elle.Nerd - Boo! says:
orly, your the one who won't let a girl go
- Brett says:
about this
I would be the one
Making sure you felt alright
Not mocking you to your face.
- ` Elle.Nerd - Boo! says:
i'm not depressed, i'm pissed
- Brett says:
I know
I don't care.
You mock me to my face.
While we're in a relationship
And out.
You act as if your so important and special and i'm nothing and i'm so fucking lucky to of had you.
But in reality.
Your just another stuck up girl.
- ` Elle.Nerd - Boo! says:
thanks, & just like all of my friends said, your the biggest jerk ever
- Brett says:
haha.
I've never been a jerk to anyone.. atleast this year.
But you.
I'm being a bitch to you.
Because
Your being a bitch to me.
I'm a bitch to anyone that treats me with disrespect I don't deserve.
- ` Elle.Nerd - Boo! says:
i'm a bitch when i'm angry
- Brett says:
I feel guilty if I do deserve it.
But
If i don't deserve it
I get angry.
Ask anyone that's good friends with me that.
And you have no reason to be angry.
You mocked me
first
You should be the one just like
Who the hell cares.
- ` Elle.Nerd - Boo! says:
then don't fucking talk to me
- Brett says:
LOL
I know ur thinking to yourself.
This guys a fucking asshole w.e
I'm not ok.
I'm such a frkin nice person.. I'm only nice because of what has happened to me in my past. I hate anger I hate frustration.
And when it comes to me
I hold it in
And I hold it in more
And I build up alot of anger
Then
When somone like you comes along
and treats me like shit
it bursts out.
Mabye instead of watching what I say
You should watch what you say
and be like
wow..
I'm a fucking asshole.
- ` Elle.Nerd - Boo! says:
if you think i'm such a bitch, why the fuck are you stil talking to me
- Brett says:
Because there's a nice side to you.
And I know there is.
And I want that side to understand this.
And you will act like this to everyone else
If you don't understand this.
Alissa your awesome to talk to when your nice.
Bu
but
You push all your anger out on other ppl about what's happening in your life.
*sigh* just understand this.
None of us are assholes when we're happy.
Nobody is.
Then
When we're frustrated.
Some of us hold it in
And still seem happy
Then some of us put that frustration on others
I seem happy when i'm frustrated
ur angry
and you mock ppl
The point is.
Don't look at all this like it's my fault./
Cus I know.
I'm not stupid
Your gunna go to all your friends and talk shit about what a bitch I am.
Alissa. I want to talk to you when your nice.
You need to relax your anger.
And you need to chill.
We're supposed to be friends.. Just cus we broke up doesn't mean you need to mock me.
- ` Elle.Nerd - Boo! says:
imma let you finish, but shane had the best break up of all time, of ALL TIME. YOU, sir, can suck a dick and just fuck off.

Surguryy

"Hunny, just breathe in the air." -COUGH- -COUGH- "I know it smells funny, but breathe it in slowly." Everything blacked out & I woke up to some strange person's voice telling me to open my mouth. Only pure pitch black, sounds coming from all round, people talking to one another. The pain of my whole body, aching, just aching in pain. Needles suck in places I don't remember were there before. I tried to open my eyes, but I was in to much pain, it was too much work. Coughing, Coughing, harder & harder. Everytime I coughed I could taste the gas they made me smell. I forced myself to finally open my eyes. Where was I? I don't remember how I got here. All I remembered was the surgine. I just had lip sugury to remove a lip tumor, it didn't cause cancer, but it was still ugly. It had gotten bigger. Now my lip was huge & horrid. The blood, the pain, the meds. This happened on June 30th. I'm still hungry, I haven't eaten since my friend Jewels & I ate at McDonalds.

Toronto

Okayy, so Toronto is currently undergoing the G-20. This is a wolrd tax thing that will make us lose a billion dollars. The people in Toronto are rioting downtown over this. I'm asking myself why? Burning police cars, violence, total anarchy & chaos. I don't understand the point of hurting police & sending out threats of killing political leaders. It's stupid. I understand you mad, I understand that this is wrong, The police are in your way but are you really going to do this? Understand that there are other ways to do this, to solve this problem. Lately Toronto has been having these huge problems, like first the earthquake, then the G-2O....THE EFF!!My boyfriend thinks I'm jealous of him because he's over at his friend's house, who's a girl. ALL I SAID WAS "No glove, no love." He's so stupid sometimes. Sometimes...More like lately. He's being such a douche bag & it's only been a week sicne we started dating. He's so cute with his nerdy self, but sometimes I just want to stangle him....Right, like I was saying Toronto has been having these issues lately. I just wish they would all act like humans instead of cavemen.

Douche Bag much?

I just had a fight with my boyfriend. Here it is.;;
"""- Brett says:
I don't know, Mabye our date on thursday will take your mind off things ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
i don't even feel like going out
- Brett says:
with me ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
at all
- Brett says:
ouch..
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
:/ sorry
- Brett says:
Aslong as your happy , We can still be friends though ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
-.-
- Brett says:
??

- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
remember i'm angry at them?
- Brett says:
I know your angry at them.
And I understand your breaking up with me I don't care what you do aslong as you can be happy.. I know your not happy right now but do what you think is right until you are .
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
i'm breaking up with you? o___o
- Brett says:
You just said you don't feel like going out at all with me
-.-
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
i mean outside

- Brett says:
LOL
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
your smart
- Brett says:
not really :*

How could we keep dating if you don't want to go out at all lol ?
I don't understand ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
idk
i'll feel like going out sooner or later
just not now
- Brett says:
So we're going out but not going out ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
umm...sure?
- Brett says:
...why not just break up with me ?
I'm used to it, Won't hurt me more then what you just said to me.
Your trying to make it gentle.
When i don't care how you do it.
I really like you and even if we're not going out and you don't want to anymore we can still be friends.
It's up to you if you don't want to be friends but I would not understand that.
And if you think that not going out with somone while still going out with somone is even possible.
Mabye your not ready for a relationship at all.
Break up with me then.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
o____o dude, your make me confused
- Brett says:
I'm more confused then you right now.
Trust me.
Relationships are supposed to be about seeing each other.
I can't handle going a week or for weeks without seeing you.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
-.-
- Brett says:
Alissa.
I like you too much.
If were still "going out" i'm going to want to see you.
But if you don't want to see me.
It doesn't work.
And I won't break up with you because I don't want too. I still want you ... alot.
But
If you don't feel the same
Break up with me.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
i do feel the same, i jsut don't feel like going out right now
- Brett says:
Ok so were not in a relationship now we're in a relationship when you feel like it ?
it's like saying
Oh
I'm sorry I just need time it's not you it's me blah blah blah blah
It's the exact same thing as breaking up with somone Alissa.
Just do it.
And in the future
If you get over these issues
Then you can be like ok
let's go out again
But for now.
It's just like saying let's see other people.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
fuck, your making me cry, can you shuddup?
- Brett says:
Really cus i've been crying.
*sigh*
Just say the words.
I'm used to it don't make it gentle.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
bradd, srsly, i don't want ot brake up but, your making it seem like you want too
- Brett says:
Alissa, I want to see you, I want to be with you and more importantly I want to talk to you.
That's how relationships work.
You don't want to do any of those things.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
I DO WANT TO TALK TO YOU
- Brett says:
What about seeing me ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
...
ibb'
- Brett says:
Exactly.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
do you really wanan know why i'm angry?
- Brett says:
Yes.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
i got into a fight with someone about what you
happy?
- Brett says:
?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
because i'm not
- Brett says:
about what I what ?
I'm not happy unless your happy and when your happy i'm not going to be happy until I know what happened.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
someone said you told them that you were at your cousin's house to teach her a listen, but YOU told me that she changed the locks. Some else also told me that you are a liar & full of yourself, THAT'S WHY IM' MAD
- Brett says:
*sigh*
If you tell me these things in the beggining it's alot easier
But no
Always gotta make it complicated.
I got angry at my aunt
Then started to stay at my cousins
After the night
The next morning
I started to think it through more
So
I wanted to go apologize to my aunt
And make up
I went to the house
the locks were changed.
So I went to my other cousins
That's when I messaged you on msn and was talking to you
My aunt before I was talking to you
Told me that she didn't want me back into the house
But the only reason she said that was because her ex boyfriend was in her ear and telling her all this
Once her ex boyfriend left the house she phoned me and said she'd give me a chance if she talked to me and I went to the trailer with her this weekend
So I got home at 10 pm and talked to her for an hour
Then madeup
Then today she said i don't have to go to the trailer if i don't wan toto.
want too*
And that's the full story.
And now she's gone to the trailer
And i'm home alone

- Brett just sent you a nudge.

- Brett says:
Happy ?
Who was it that said i'm a liar ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
someone
- Brett says:
Alissa we're not going to get over this unless you tell me.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
well, i'm NOT allowed to tell
- Brett says:
Well arn't you angry at that person
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
that's teh thing with me, if i promise something i can't say anything
- Brett says:
I won't even talk to the person
I just want to know
know
Because i'm not going to continue being friends with somone who would do this to me
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
well, i promised
- Brett says:
Fine.
Your going to make me stay friends with somone who went at me like this.
You honestly think that's fair ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3ees-ahh[/i].Nerdy Hippie - Boo! says:
-.- Bradd, leave it Alone okayy?
my problem
- Brett says:
No
Not your problem
Not in the least bit
It's my problem
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
no, it's MY problem
- Brett says:
If it was your problem I wouldn't be crying right now would I ?!
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
it's not your fault so you shouldn't be crying
it's mine because they got mad at me
- Brett says:
Alissa, What that person said made you not want to go on our date anymore
That makes it my problem
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
it didn't make me want to go out with you
it pisses me off enough to NOT want to live my apt
AT ALL
- Brett says:
huh ?
That makes no sense.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
GOD! I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE MY PLACE AT ALL
- Brett says:
Because of this person ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
because of that person & things, other things too, just leave ti
- Brett says:
Tell me the person
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
no
- Brett says:
Alissa let me handle it!
I will fix it.
Somtimes
You can't be stubborn
I understand a secret once in awile
But this is more then that
When you shittalk somone behind their backs.
Expect to be told off
I'm giving you two options right now Alissa.
Tell me
Or break up with me
One or the other.
If you care about me you'll tell me
And stop being stubborn and tell me
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
no, why do i have to stop?
why don't you?
- Brett says:
Because I don't want to stop.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
do you think maybe i don't want to either?
- Brett says:
if you didn't you'd try to make this whole thing better and the past.
you oviously can't deal with it.
SO let me deal with it
That's what i'm here for.
It'd be the same deal if it was the other way around.
I know you don't trust me, But trust me enough to solve this.
Cus if your scared to leave your place.
It makes it sound like your being threatened by this person
Tell me what this person told you to want to not leave the apt and tell me who this person is. I'll act on whatever is the safest for you and for me. And i'll try to get the problem dealt with without any violence.
Just tell me
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
IM' NOT SCARED TO LEAVE MY PLACE
I DON'T WANT TOO
- Brett says:
TELL ME THE PERSON'S NAME !
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
NO
- Brett says:
)':

- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
how do you think i feel?
- Brett says:
BETTER THEN ME!!
This person isnt shit talking you
This person is shit talking ME!
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
no, their talking shiz about someoen i care about
- Brett says:
But that somone is Me
if you know
I should knwo.
I honestly don't deserve this.
I'm nice to everyone and the only reason I could think of that they'd be saying all this about me
Is their jelous of us.
And if that's so
They can do alot worse.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
i don't care what they do, god. just leave it Alone, i'm dealing with you
i can deal with it on my own
- Brett says:
Is it Shane ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
no
- Brett says:
*sigh*
I want to see you Alissa though !!!
Why can't you leave your place just a little.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
woudl you be happy, if i did jsut a a little?
- Brett says:
I would be happier if I seen you alot but I would rather see you every once in awile then not at all.
And i'd rather you not cancel our date.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
well, ermm....one otehr problem
about that
- Brett says:
?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
so, it's teh day after my sugery
thus i can't talk, nor kiss
- Brett says:
Let's do the date earlier then ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
i can't ):
busy weekends
- Brett says:
Fine I don't care if you can't talk or kiss. I just want to see you Eliza... Thats it we can still do our date but we will just be with each other.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
cant i hang out with you for an hour?
just you & me?
- Brett says:
On thursday ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
Tuesday
- Brett says:
Yes.
I would like that alot more then not seeing each other.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
oakyy
umm..i just need to find out what time i have to go somewhere
- Brett says:
Yup..
I would really like it if you told me still tho.. I promise to you I won't say anything to them.
I just want to know who not to be friends with anymore.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
i can't
i promised
- Brett says:
Alissa please for me, Your only breaking a promise if it goes everywere.
I'm your boyfriend you should be able to tell me.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
i can't, its' a promise
- Brett says:
Alissa, this person can do worse.
What if I don't know who this person is
I vent to that person
That person goes at you again
and then again
I don't want to be friends with that person.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
i don't care if they do worse, okayy? let me handle MY problem with people
i can
- Brett says:
Alissa I beg you...
Just a name
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
no brett, just think about something else
please
- Brett says:
I can't .
I hate being betrayed like this."""
Let me just point out I had NO idea want was happening during alot of that convo. I feel sick right now. :/

angry

For once, I'm finally agnry. I want to cry, I want to punch things, Scream, anything for the world to realize I'M ANGRY. Not to long ago I started to go out with this one person, not the person I wanted to go out with originally, but he was still good, kind of in a way like a rebound, but I liked him anyways. So we've kissed & I trust him. I trust everyone, but not totally. It's like I give them chances. So today, my friend Emilia got me angry because of what she said. So, we were all in this convo, Janchu, Emilia, Jewels & Annie. They were trying to convince me to go to korean BBQ with them. I told them to go, Annie & I had plans, but I told her to go. I said I had to talk to Bradd because he got kicked out of his house. Then Emilia starts off by "o-o I talked to him already. he wasn't kicked out of his house either. he told me his aunt sweared (** incorrect spelling Annie corrects her to swore) at him & he didn't go home. So he went to his cousin's house to "teach her a lesson" so wtf...either he is lieing to you Alissa because you cannot get locks changed in like a few minutes.....so either he was lieing to you or he made up the story to me >_>" Then Annie goes ">>i don't like that brandon kid." After Emilia says "my friend Ty who used to be bradds bff said he was a liar >_> that's why they didn't hang out anymore...cuz bradd lies...and that he thinks too much of himself.. im not trying to make him sound bad. just saying...thats the story he told me >_>" Like this WHOLE thing got me angry. You may not be trying to make him sound bad, but it hurts to to hear you say bad things about someone I'm expecting so much about. Did they think maybe, just maybe, he wasn't lying, nothing was his fault, anything NOT bad. I try to hard not to think anything bad about humanity, I always thought good. I tried to trust, to expect so much joy in people, to be good, but when people crush my dreams like that, it's like someone stabbed me real hard in my heart. The always have this long rants about something that I want to do but once I think something they said isn't right, they make it seem bad. I wanted him to seem like a good person, I wanted my little dreams to stay as they were. I sat there in front of my computer for a few minutes just staring at the screen. At the messages. Holding back the tears. I know I'm sensitive, I know I cry alot, but to do this, it's like shit talking in my face. Maybe I don't want to hear the true. Maybe I want to pretend the world is a happy perfect place. The world doesn't seem to share the same ideas I have appearantly have. I wish I had someone to cry on so badly, but I have no one. I'll just hold back the tears. It's fine. It's always fine & perfect. You know, little Alissa, even angry, always so calm, smiling, happy. Well, you know just fuck it. EVERYTHING is FINEE. EVERY FUCKING THING IS THIS FUCKING STUPID WORLD FULL OF FUCKING RETARDED HUMANITY TAHT IS FULL OF BITCHES IS FUCKING SHITTLY FINEE!

FML - Entry Two

Bad day, srsly bad day...LOL "badday". Well like I was saying, my bag was like 15 pounds so I carried it to school in the rain. When I got to school I was going to the girls washroom when I heard someone & I turned, I turned back & smacked my forehead into the 2 inch thick wooden door. I sat there in major pain for a good 3 minutes then got up & saw Lissa. Lissa then says "MOST RANDOMEST SHIT EVER." I ask her if she remembers he user for the computers, she gave it to me. I went for the computer, but every computer I touched said "no signal" or I woudl restart it & it said it didn't work. I got upstairs, the guy I like, with his ex agian. Science class, I got called down to Guidance. I came back two minutes later, the door was locked & I stood outside for about 20 minutes. I knocked the door one last time, & he finally opened when I sat on the floor. I quickly scrabbled to my feet to walk in. Whole class laughed. In history class there was no teacher & when I was just about to skip, a teacher comes. When I get out of clas, I wait for Ry & the guy I like to get out of class so they'll buy lunch with me. They both left me. >3> When I came back to eat my lunch with my friends, I asked that guy if he wanted to eat pho after our history exam. I got so rejected. I felt a burn after he said no. It wasn't even on a date. In woodshop, I got the biggest headache. Everyone kept on asking stupid questions. Gym, I cried a little, forehead hurt. Aussie guy told me to turn taht frown upsidedown & have me a high five. It was cute but, not in the mood. Also, according to Jewels, Stephie, which uis his ex, have him a hug. FML!FML!FML!