100 fact about me.

1;; I eat with my left hand.
2;; I can't go to sleep with out my plushie bunny.
3;; I believe in 11:11.
4;; I had surgury before.
5;; I camwhore, WAYY to much. );
6;; I like to eat my hang nails.
7;; I barf when I'm sad.
8;; I LOVE stars. *
9;; I tend to eat a pack of sweetards in less then five minutes.
10;; I cry, alot.
11;; When I barf I get a rush of this magical feeling.
12;; I hate sporty boys.
13;; Lazy nerds are THE hottest thing in the world.
14;; I'm no longer thinking I'm bisexual.
15;; I'm inlove with a boy who ignores me.
16;; Lately, I feel like I'm being a bitch.
17;; I have two converse pairs, a skater pair, & one ed hardy.
18;; My feet are SOO freaking weird, when I'm walking in sandels they curl up.
19;; I used to have braces.
20;; My teeth are yellow.
21;; I REALLY hate the typical bitchy slut blonde.
22;; It bothers me when people are just standing, just watching what I'm doing.
23;; People who believe nothing but the total worse, piss me off.
24;; It angers me when people who aren't a race, try so hard to look like that race.
25;; My guy best friend is bi, & the other is my love.
25;; Sometime I really hate talking to girls because they can be so stupid.
26;; Pretty boys who know their attractive, both attract me & repulse me at the same time.
27;; I get angry at things people didn't do on purpose.
28;; Gaiaonline, kills most of my time if I'm not on facebook.
29;; When I'm angry I swear like crazy.
30;; Most of my personality is trades from books.
31;; Sometimes I grab a needle & thread & make bows on the edges of my skin.
32;; I purposely don't try.
33;; I think every year, my dad & sister get crazier, literally.
34;; I've seen people die.
35;; Sometimes when I'm angry, I put circles of makeup around my eyes to make me looks tired, so nobody woudlwant to talk to me.
36;; I idolize boys because their cooler.
37;; Alot of the time over msn, I'll roll my eyes or clench my teeth over something I found offending.
38;; I'm a horribly angry & angust.
39;; I love the colour blue, but just as much as the shade gray.
40;; I've kissed three boys.
41;; ^ That just makes me feel like a slut.
42;; It's stupid that people can only find one race attractive.
43;; I really love breakup songs.
44;; The voilin pleases me when I'm sad.
45;; I feel angered that every guy who dumbs me always seems sto go for this one friend.
46;; I feel like a "heat heart heartbreaker" when I reject someone.
47;; I'm every spiritual.
48;; I tend to believe in  the whole star sign thing.
49;; Astrological things are something I'm crazy about.
50;; Sometime when I'm bored, I pratice the witch craft I read from books.
51;; When I crush on someone, I both crush & idolize them.
52;; I stalk the same guy atleast once a day.
53;; I always feel so wannabe.
54;; I sometime copy sometimes of how people that my crush likes.
55;; I think it's gross when people who are dark dye their hair blonde.
56;; I've always found myself an annoying person.
57;; I hate talking to a person first because I'm afraid they'll be annoyed.
58;; It is something stupid to bring up my exboyfriends, but my friends always mangae to do.
59;; I wish I always didn't feel so scared.
60;; I trust people to easy.
61;; I hate eating pork & fish.
62;; I tend to like guys more in general.
63;; I always did believe I've had some type of mental desaise.
64;; I'm crazy about animals. So cute. <33
65;; I dress overly nerdy sometimes.
66;; I cut my own hair when I feel like it.
67;; Rainbows are so pretty to me.
68;; The devil's dairy, my favorite movie.
69;; ^ I remind myself of the emo  movie.
70;; I have this obsession with Taro & orea bubble tea.
71;; I dislike so many girls.
72;; When I'm hungry,I just stare at picturesof food & it goes away wit a full feeling.
73;; I have a stash of sweets in my room.
74;; I believe my mom thinks I'm a lezbo.
75;; I used to have 500, my mom used that to pay off her visa bill. -.-
76;; I drink when nobody's looking.
77;; I have this sick twisted craving for blood.
78;; I plan on going to York Uni, for basically "gym" & minor in french.
79;; Horror movies make me feel happy.
80;; I think its stupid when someone names their kid's the name of a place or ending with Sha
81;; I sing myself a lullaby every night.
82;; I eat my lip skin when nobody's looking.
83;; Around my eyes, it gets sweaty & sticky because they hurt.
84;; I bit my sister's arm when I was five, the scars are still there. (:
85;; If the inside of my elbow's sweat, I get hives.
86;; I remeber where each & every one of my scars came from.
87;; Bossy people make me want to punch them in their faces so I roll my eyes & walk away
88;; I like having all of my nails short, unless it's my thumb.
89;; I've been a huge harry potter fan, starting with my crush on him. (:
90;; Movies give me hope formy love life.
91;; I think it's stupid when peopel only care about looks.
92;; People are weird when they put random shit on their screen names or users.
93;; I tend to be moody around my family but not to my friends.
94;; Dill pickle layz chips are heavenly.
95;; Cheesecake is god's gift to me & the meaning of life.
96;; Tall skinny girls are creepy.
97;; The smell of pepperment, banh bao, & coke is the smell of my love.
98;; I use the bar at the back of my teeth so I can open pop cans.
99;; Dude ismy favourite word, EVER.
100;; I still don't see the point of shopping secretly because it's on sale somewhere.
I was challenged by Annie. =]

Shakespeare..?

I could never really understand why movies were so unreal. I now realize it's just to make you feel better about yourself, give you hope. Today I watched A midsummer night's dream (yes, the play by W.S.) Helena is a crazy inlove head over heels due to Demetrius which "loves" Hermia, but Hermia is inlove with another, by the name of Lysander which is his true love. I myself am currently in a sitch like this. Helena woudl be me, with that guy...-cough- Annie would be Hermia & Lysander would be Ry....sadly, Ry doesn't like Annie so it's kind of not like the movie. But the movie did give me hope for both Annie & I. In the end of the movie Lysander FINALLY fell inlove with Helena, the crazy one. I hope it does happen & that Ry likes her. If not all hope is lost & I'll become Ophelia then die.

Maybe he doesn't care..

Today I was talking to Annie & we were talking about guys, since I went to the mall. She todl me "he who shall not be named" was online & i'm like "i was watching a movie today & the main dude was named _____", then she said "LOL he's on now go talk to him" & i'm like "who?". She says "____" & i'm like "he's online? great, he prolly blocked me. come to think of it i wonder if he's mad at me". She replies "?he's the ____ slow replys guy". At first I thought he blocked me, but then turns out, he really got a new email. He added everyone, BUT me. The sting of a stinking heart. He either doesn't care at all for me or he does TRULY & HOPELESSLY likes Annie. ... 

  .....Earlier today, I was also wearing a new pair of shorts. I look down at my leg & see old scars on my leg, does nobody else see them. I see only scares & bruises all over my body that never really went away. Theres this blue bruise on the side of my right eye when my sister smashed the door into my face. Nobody else sees all these little flaw. I guess, maybe I just worry to much.

Not sure

I'm not completely sure, but lately, I've felt really sick. It's not just my body, but my mentality feels weak. It seems dead. Not sure why I feel like this. I'm so tired lately, so I don't think taht helps very much either. My forehead is hot, my eyes sting, I can't get a good night's sleep. If I lay down get I get up I gasp for air while blood rushes to my face. I always feel so cold. My mental state is very questionable. I'm having these images in my head of sick people. The drawings I make seem like something an insane person would think of. There all of stitched up people who have been mutalated or extremely skinny people. Yestarday I went looking in my room for a blade so I could feel something. I haven't been able to feel anything myself. For that matter, I haven't really felt any emotion for a while. It's all been faked. If it's not faked smile, I was most likely using sarcism when talking to someone. There was only this one time, I did not fake or use sarcism, it was to say what I knew was right, but I didn't feel it was so. My mind keeps on running things I did before, bad things. Not the type of bad thing that are like stealing, but the type of emoral things. Like barfing & cutting, always in my mind. Right after a meal I would run to the bathroom after i finshed the dishes, turn on the tap so nobody could hear me. I'd be on my knees, staring in the mirror. Always just thinking, I'm not skinny enough. I have to admit, I did lose weight. I am currently 108. But I wish the mirror would lie, but it never did. Icould always see a curve that repulsed me. I tried so hard to get to barf enough. I used to cut myself, just to feel something. Sometimes I would just feel so cold, so emotionless. Tears would roll off of my cheeks, but feeling nothing, just an empty feeling. It was a hunger to cut, to feel that everything was real. I could feel the sting for the cuts. The more I'd cut, the more I felt a filling. It was a twisted feeling, but I enjoyed it. I would lick of the blood for a sickly twisted & slightly energizing feeling. I hope all of these thought pass. Going back to school like this would be horrible, painful, angering. I just have to say if anybody tries to give me a lecture, which I've heard it all before, trust me, it doesn't help, it really pushes you more into doing it.

Skin & Bones

I lock the door, turn on the water. Bury that sound, so no one hears anything anymore. Mirrors lie to me, tell me you can see, maybe you won't be able to recognize me now. I know you can feel, all the things you steal & you're taking, you're taking it. Feeling so easy. Make me skin and bones. I'm always on my knees for you. You break like it's even. When you're leaving & thin, where the hell have you been? Well sometimes it burns, Baby I'll wash it out. It all look so big. Never mind, I don't feel anything. It only hurt a bit. I STILL FEEL LIKE SHIT! & I think you won't be able to recognize me now. It's easier to quit, but it's harder to admit & you're pushing me, YOU'RE FUCKING PUSHING ME! Feeling so easy. Make me skin and bones. I'm always on my knees for you. You break like it's even. When you're leaving & thin, where the hell have you been? Cause you always win, you always win. Laughin' like it works, bleeding like it don't hurt, knock you off your feet. Even if you need me
Tear you apart, and I hate how I need you. Feeling too easy make me skin and bones. I'm always on my knees for you. Break like its even. When your faking, it's too fucking easy, make me skin & bones.
I'm always on my knees for you. Break like it's even. When you're leaving & thin, where the hell have you been cause you always win, and you always win, you always win. 

Kare Kano

Kare Kano, it's this manga I like. I borrowed two books from my friend & I forgot to give them back to her before we went on summer vacation. I was reading it & it made me feel so bad. It's book 11 & 15, it reminded me of Brett & his rants. Lately, I've been seeing people who look like him. I freak out & turn away from them. I've seen 3 in the past two days. I don't want to go back to school anymore. I'm scared of what might happen if he sees me. What if he hits me? He was so angry & he'd fight me trying to get answers. I tried to forgot so badly, SO very badly, but I just couldn't. It's like I'm seeing him everywhere. I feel like shit lately. I feel so angry & tired. The only good thing that's come out ofr my summer is the new sweater I bought & the part of me that feels smarter.

Al, the guy i want to hurt.

Maddiee : P says:
Mitchel told me he beat up the creepy white guy xDD
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
orly, when?
Maddiee : P says:
umm i think 3 days ago
LOL wait
it was 4
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
was he really hurt?
Maddiee : P says:
cuz he txted me saying "Delete the white guy off your fb and msn"
i have a feeling he was
cuz mitchel
sounded really pissed
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
hmm...
i wish i coudl see him now
Maddiee : P says:
LOL me too xDDD
i kinda wanna go up to him and say "never liked you, we were only nice bcuz Mitchel was nice to you"
but tht would be mean
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
pfft, i was only nice to him because i don'tl ike being mean to people
but him
Maddiee : P says:
LLOL
hes the only person
who actually managed to creep me out
like yanno
matthew gives me the ew feeling but hes still my friend
but Al O_O
just makes you go
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
al makes me want to shot someone
then again brett does that too
Maddiee : P says:
LOL
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
al is just someone i've built up so much anger too
Maddiee : P says:
omg D:
that goes for everyone
ohh
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
?
Maddiee : P says:
mitchel said he made him bleed alot and hes gonna post it on fb
XD
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:

Maddiee : P says:
now thts cyber bullying
i kinda, cant wait
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
i kind want to do it myself
beat him up i mean
Maddiee : P says:
LOL i know wat you meant
xD
and me too
ahh D: he shouldve invited us
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
I KNOW RIGHT!??! D:
wait, i can't go outside
Maddiee : P says:
LOL
then you have to snipe him
xD
Alissa being the sniper
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:

Maddiee : P says:
hehehehe
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
why couldn't he have done it at school ? D:
Maddiee : P says:
bcuz mitchel was being nice and tolerating it
but he just had to ruin it and piss of mikey
Mitchel was like his ONLY friend
>:0
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
: O what did he do!?!?
Maddiee : P says:
mitchel said "He talks to much shit."
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
ohhh :/
i can see it
Maddiee : P says:
well im fine with it cuz hes in collage now
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
i hate how he crushes on younger girls
Maddiee : P says:
YEAH
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
THANK GOD & BUDDHA
Maddiee : P says:
I HATE THT TOO
but omg
if he shows up next semester
id be liek "why ar eyou here ._."
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
srsly
imma say "how old are you? no offence this seems pedo"
Maddiee : P says:
ewwwww
hes nasteeey
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
srsly
he's SOO ugly
Maddiee : P says:
ive seen better white guys :0
in my old neighbourhood
the white guys
were hot
and the ugliest white guy
looks SO much better then him
e_e
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
when he went bald i freaked out because jacques told him he got lice
Maddiee : P says:
ME TOO
he scared the shit out of everyone
he especially pissed off richy
LOL
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
i know x)
Maddiee : P says:
wenever richy wanted to go to the movies or to pmall, al would invite himself
:0
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
&& the time we went skating
Maddiee : P says:
YEASHH
LIKE
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
he's just invite himself places
Maddiee : P says:
OMFG
I HATED THT
it was suppose to be my present for Jewels
how to skate
but
HE RUIN IT
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
once, we went to pho for christmas & like he almost came
we had to pretend it was cancelled
Maddiee : P says:
tht reminded me of the time
wen
i wanted to go home
cuz our commiunty hours is over
and richy and janchu were going home too
and mitchel asked if he wanted to walk home with him
and al said no
he had to walk me home
and i was like "wtf? am i your gf or soething?"
but i didnt say
tht
so i called my dad to pick me up

- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
x)
Maddiee : P says:
so i got a drive home with ricky and jancy
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
nice
dude, like i hate how he woudl just tag along when we'd go for after school snacks
Maddiee : P says:
Yeaaaah D:
wat sucks even more
he said hes NEVER had a gf before
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
no duhh
Maddiee : P says:
im like "wow wat a loser."
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
dude, he scares people away. he isn't pretty, his personality sticks & i doubt he's good a kissing
Maddiee : P says:
an inexperenced outcast D:
ohhhh
and
you know wat else is creepy

i gave matthew my new number, cuz we're friends, right?
and he was like "and how come I dont have this number?"
i was like e___e i ll give it to you later
but i lied
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
x) smart maddie
Maddiee : P says:
he expected me to actually give him my number >>:0
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
it bothers me thath e's like a loner & he's not even good at it o__o
he just makes peopel wants to stay away MORE
Maddiee : P says:
LMFAOO
SO TRUEE
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
like most of the time you expect them to secretly be so cool & nice. him....just no
Maddiee : P says:
Yeaaah D: why cant he be one of those cliche loners?
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
D: not some creepy effer who said they want to burn us down then make friends with us
Maddiee : P says:
uggh i hate the way he treats us especially
acts like we're kids and dont know anything
then he clings to us
as though we're friends
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
i hate when he treats us like kids then a few minutes later he's soo immature & he thinks he's being cool fitting in
Maddiee : P says:
omg your so right >_< like we act like kids, but we're mature - ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says: i know. he creeps me out ALOT when he tries to act like a cutest japanese girl. e___< Maddiee : P says: AND HE NEEDS TO FUCKIN SHAVE HIS HIDEOUS BEARD WHY CANT HE LEARN FROM BANNI AND JACQUES? - ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says: ry, richy, tang, THEY ALL DO IT Maddiee : P says: YEAHHHH - ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says: he's teh only one who keeps it. jacques gros his out sometiems because it isn't ver noticable, but his -shivers- Maddiee : P says: lmao! yeaah xD i cant stand it i had the urge to yank it out - ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says: e___e it's annyonig & it curls in when it's long Maddiee : P says: hes not very higenic D: epsecially with his 8 year old shoes and his raggy hat - ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says: his pants & ripped shirt those are GROSS Maddiee : P says: like srsly e__e he wore the same sweater the WHOLE semester the ripped pants especially bothered me :0 - ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says: && the same pants EVERY day for a year with hole D: the shirt bothers me he ripped out most of the school's crest & let it hang Maddiee : P says: he didnt even wear unifor, *uniform so like wtf? you cuoldve worn sme nice ergular clothes atleast one thts not ripped - ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says: why was he even IN school? he said he didn't have many classes, so he could've take summer school Maddiee : P says: TRUE and he comes in the monrings wen all his classes were in the afternoon >:0
ohh dude look!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEZ81_7G9Wc&feature=related
the mom ruined the moment
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
he's kidn of cute
Maddiee : P says:
another moment ruined xDD its even more funny cuz its the same couple
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rouf0oCwtrk&NR=1

- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
ohh, like i was saying, WTF? can't he find other friend his age? or hango ut with other people like kum
x)
Maddiee : P says:
yeahh
but kum
isnt as gay as he is
ATLEAST KUM HAS A GIRLFRIEND
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
THAT'S SOO FUNNY
& yeahh, atleast he can get some
&& what i don't understand is, why doesn't he go for his own white people instead of the azns, he know s he has no chance
Maddiee : P says:
-sigh-
it makes me so dissapointed
to even know him
- ` E3lle.Lawlzi-pop - Rawrr! says:
i makes me disown myself