Toronto

Okayy, so Toronto is currently undergoing the G-20. This is a wolrd tax thing that will make us lose a billion dollars. The people in Toronto are rioting downtown over this. I'm asking myself why? Burning police cars, violence, total anarchy & chaos. I don't understand the point of hurting police & sending out threats of killing political leaders. It's stupid. I understand you mad, I understand that this is wrong, The police are in your way but are you really going to do this? Understand that there are other ways to do this, to solve this problem. Lately Toronto has been having these huge problems, like first the earthquake, then the G-2O....THE EFF!!My boyfriend thinks I'm jealous of him because he's over at his friend's house, who's a girl. ALL I SAID WAS "No glove, no love." He's so stupid sometimes. Sometimes...More like lately. He's being such a douche bag & it's only been a week sicne we started dating. He's so cute with his nerdy self, but sometimes I just want to stangle him....Right, like I was saying Toronto has been having these issues lately. I just wish they would all act like humans instead of cavemen.

Douche Bag much?

I just had a fight with my boyfriend. Here it is.;;
"""- Brett says:
I don't know, Mabye our date on thursday will take your mind off things ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
i don't even feel like going out
- Brett says:
with me ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
at all
- Brett says:
ouch..
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
:/ sorry
- Brett says:
Aslong as your happy , We can still be friends though ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
-.-
- Brett says:
??

- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
remember i'm angry at them?
- Brett says:
I know your angry at them.
And I understand your breaking up with me I don't care what you do aslong as you can be happy.. I know your not happy right now but do what you think is right until you are .
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
i'm breaking up with you? o___o
- Brett says:
You just said you don't feel like going out at all with me
-.-
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
i mean outside

- Brett says:
LOL
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
your smart
- Brett says:
not really :*

How could we keep dating if you don't want to go out at all lol ?
I don't understand ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
idk
i'll feel like going out sooner or later
just not now
- Brett says:
So we're going out but not going out ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
umm...sure?
- Brett says:
...why not just break up with me ?
I'm used to it, Won't hurt me more then what you just said to me.
Your trying to make it gentle.
When i don't care how you do it.
I really like you and even if we're not going out and you don't want to anymore we can still be friends.
It's up to you if you don't want to be friends but I would not understand that.
And if you think that not going out with somone while still going out with somone is even possible.
Mabye your not ready for a relationship at all.
Break up with me then.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
o____o dude, your make me confused
- Brett says:
I'm more confused then you right now.
Trust me.
Relationships are supposed to be about seeing each other.
I can't handle going a week or for weeks without seeing you.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
-.-
- Brett says:
Alissa.
I like you too much.
If were still "going out" i'm going to want to see you.
But if you don't want to see me.
It doesn't work.
And I won't break up with you because I don't want too. I still want you ... alot.
But
If you don't feel the same
Break up with me.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
i do feel the same, i jsut don't feel like going out right now
- Brett says:
Ok so were not in a relationship now we're in a relationship when you feel like it ?
it's like saying
Oh
I'm sorry I just need time it's not you it's me blah blah blah blah
It's the exact same thing as breaking up with somone Alissa.
Just do it.
And in the future
If you get over these issues
Then you can be like ok
let's go out again
But for now.
It's just like saying let's see other people.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
fuck, your making me cry, can you shuddup?
- Brett says:
Really cus i've been crying.
*sigh*
Just say the words.
I'm used to it don't make it gentle.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
bradd, srsly, i don't want ot brake up but, your making it seem like you want too
- Brett says:
Alissa, I want to see you, I want to be with you and more importantly I want to talk to you.
That's how relationships work.
You don't want to do any of those things.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
I DO WANT TO TALK TO YOU
- Brett says:
What about seeing me ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
...
ibb'
- Brett says:
Exactly.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
do you really wanan know why i'm angry?
- Brett says:
Yes.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
i got into a fight with someone about what you
happy?
- Brett says:
?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
because i'm not
- Brett says:
about what I what ?
I'm not happy unless your happy and when your happy i'm not going to be happy until I know what happened.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
someone said you told them that you were at your cousin's house to teach her a listen, but YOU told me that she changed the locks. Some else also told me that you are a liar & full of yourself, THAT'S WHY IM' MAD
- Brett says:
*sigh*
If you tell me these things in the beggining it's alot easier
But no
Always gotta make it complicated.
I got angry at my aunt
Then started to stay at my cousins
After the night
The next morning
I started to think it through more
So
I wanted to go apologize to my aunt
And make up
I went to the house
the locks were changed.
So I went to my other cousins
That's when I messaged you on msn and was talking to you
My aunt before I was talking to you
Told me that she didn't want me back into the house
But the only reason she said that was because her ex boyfriend was in her ear and telling her all this
Once her ex boyfriend left the house she phoned me and said she'd give me a chance if she talked to me and I went to the trailer with her this weekend
So I got home at 10 pm and talked to her for an hour
Then madeup
Then today she said i don't have to go to the trailer if i don't wan toto.
want too*
And that's the full story.
And now she's gone to the trailer
And i'm home alone

- Brett just sent you a nudge.

- Brett says:
Happy ?
Who was it that said i'm a liar ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
someone
- Brett says:
Alissa we're not going to get over this unless you tell me.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
well, i'm NOT allowed to tell
- Brett says:
Well arn't you angry at that person
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
that's teh thing with me, if i promise something i can't say anything
- Brett says:
I won't even talk to the person
I just want to know
know
Because i'm not going to continue being friends with somone who would do this to me
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
well, i promised
- Brett says:
Fine.
Your going to make me stay friends with somone who went at me like this.
You honestly think that's fair ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3ees-ahh[/i].Nerdy Hippie - Boo! says:
-.- Bradd, leave it Alone okayy?
my problem
- Brett says:
No
Not your problem
Not in the least bit
It's my problem
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
no, it's MY problem
- Brett says:
If it was your problem I wouldn't be crying right now would I ?!
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
it's not your fault so you shouldn't be crying
it's mine because they got mad at me
- Brett says:
Alissa, What that person said made you not want to go on our date anymore
That makes it my problem
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
it didn't make me want to go out with you
it pisses me off enough to NOT want to live my apt
AT ALL
- Brett says:
huh ?
That makes no sense.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
GOD! I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE MY PLACE AT ALL
- Brett says:
Because of this person ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
because of that person & things, other things too, just leave ti
- Brett says:
Tell me the person
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
no
- Brett says:
Alissa let me handle it!
I will fix it.
Somtimes
You can't be stubborn
I understand a secret once in awile
But this is more then that
When you shittalk somone behind their backs.
Expect to be told off
I'm giving you two options right now Alissa.
Tell me
Or break up with me
One or the other.
If you care about me you'll tell me
And stop being stubborn and tell me
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
no, why do i have to stop?
why don't you?
- Brett says:
Because I don't want to stop.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
do you think maybe i don't want to either?
- Brett says:
if you didn't you'd try to make this whole thing better and the past.
you oviously can't deal with it.
SO let me deal with it
That's what i'm here for.
It'd be the same deal if it was the other way around.
I know you don't trust me, But trust me enough to solve this.
Cus if your scared to leave your place.
It makes it sound like your being threatened by this person
Tell me what this person told you to want to not leave the apt and tell me who this person is. I'll act on whatever is the safest for you and for me. And i'll try to get the problem dealt with without any violence.
Just tell me
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
IM' NOT SCARED TO LEAVE MY PLACE
I DON'T WANT TOO
- Brett says:
TELL ME THE PERSON'S NAME !
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
NO
- Brett says:
)':

- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
how do you think i feel?
- Brett says:
BETTER THEN ME!!
This person isnt shit talking you
This person is shit talking ME!
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
no, their talking shiz about someoen i care about
- Brett says:
But that somone is Me
if you know
I should knwo.
I honestly don't deserve this.
I'm nice to everyone and the only reason I could think of that they'd be saying all this about me
Is their jelous of us.
And if that's so
They can do alot worse.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
i don't care what they do, god. just leave it Alone, i'm dealing with you
i can deal with it on my own
- Brett says:
Is it Shane ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
no
- Brett says:
*sigh*
I want to see you Alissa though !!!
Why can't you leave your place just a little.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
woudl you be happy, if i did jsut a a little?
- Brett says:
I would be happier if I seen you alot but I would rather see you every once in awile then not at all.
And i'd rather you not cancel our date.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
well, ermm....one otehr problem
about that
- Brett says:
?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
so, it's teh day after my sugery
thus i can't talk, nor kiss
- Brett says:
Let's do the date earlier then ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
i can't ):
busy weekends
- Brett says:
Fine I don't care if you can't talk or kiss. I just want to see you Eliza... Thats it we can still do our date but we will just be with each other.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
cant i hang out with you for an hour?
just you & me?
- Brett says:
On thursday ?
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
Tuesday
- Brett says:
Yes.
I would like that alot more then not seeing each other.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
oakyy
umm..i just need to find out what time i have to go somewhere
- Brett says:
Yup..
I would really like it if you told me still tho.. I promise to you I won't say anything to them.
I just want to know who not to be friends with anymore.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
i can't
i promised
- Brett says:
Alissa please for me, Your only breaking a promise if it goes everywere.
I'm your boyfriend you should be able to tell me.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
i can't, its' a promise
- Brett says:
Alissa, this person can do worse.
What if I don't know who this person is
I vent to that person
That person goes at you again
and then again
I don't want to be friends with that person.
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
i don't care if they do worse, okayy? let me handle MY problem with people
i can
- Brett says:
Alissa I beg you...
Just a name
- ` [i]E3lle...l3hiss-ahh[/i].Nerd - Boo! says:
no brett, just think about something else
please
- Brett says:
I can't .
I hate being betrayed like this."""
Let me just point out I had NO idea want was happening during alot of that convo. I feel sick right now. :/

angry

For once, I'm finally agnry. I want to cry, I want to punch things, Scream, anything for the world to realize I'M ANGRY. Not to long ago I started to go out with this one person, not the person I wanted to go out with originally, but he was still good, kind of in a way like a rebound, but I liked him anyways. So we've kissed & I trust him. I trust everyone, but not totally. It's like I give them chances. So today, my friend Emilia got me angry because of what she said. So, we were all in this convo, Janchu, Emilia, Jewels & Annie. They were trying to convince me to go to korean BBQ with them. I told them to go, Annie & I had plans, but I told her to go. I said I had to talk to Bradd because he got kicked out of his house. Then Emilia starts off by "o-o I talked to him already. he wasn't kicked out of his house either. he told me his aunt sweared (** incorrect spelling Annie corrects her to swore) at him & he didn't go home. So he went to his cousin's house to "teach her a lesson" so wtf...either he is lieing to you Alissa because you cannot get locks changed in like a few minutes.....so either he was lieing to you or he made up the story to me >_>" Then Annie goes ">>i don't like that brandon kid." After Emilia says "my friend Ty who used to be bradds bff said he was a liar >_> that's why they didn't hang out anymore...cuz bradd lies...and that he thinks too much of himself.. im not trying to make him sound bad. just saying...thats the story he told me >_>" Like this WHOLE thing got me angry. You may not be trying to make him sound bad, but it hurts to to hear you say bad things about someone I'm expecting so much about. Did they think maybe, just maybe, he wasn't lying, nothing was his fault, anything NOT bad. I try to hard not to think anything bad about humanity, I always thought good. I tried to trust, to expect so much joy in people, to be good, but when people crush my dreams like that, it's like someone stabbed me real hard in my heart. The always have this long rants about something that I want to do but once I think something they said isn't right, they make it seem bad. I wanted him to seem like a good person, I wanted my little dreams to stay as they were. I sat there in front of my computer for a few minutes just staring at the screen. At the messages. Holding back the tears. I know I'm sensitive, I know I cry alot, but to do this, it's like shit talking in my face. Maybe I don't want to hear the true. Maybe I want to pretend the world is a happy perfect place. The world doesn't seem to share the same ideas I have appearantly have. I wish I had someone to cry on so badly, but I have no one. I'll just hold back the tears. It's fine. It's always fine & perfect. You know, little Alissa, even angry, always so calm, smiling, happy. Well, you know just fuck it. EVERYTHING is FINEE. EVERY FUCKING THING IS THIS FUCKING STUPID WORLD FULL OF FUCKING RETARDED HUMANITY TAHT IS FULL OF BITCHES IS FUCKING SHITTLY FINEE!

FML - Entry Two

Bad day, srsly bad day...LOL "badday". Well like I was saying, my bag was like 15 pounds so I carried it to school in the rain. When I got to school I was going to the girls washroom when I heard someone & I turned, I turned back & smacked my forehead into the 2 inch thick wooden door. I sat there in major pain for a good 3 minutes then got up & saw Lissa. Lissa then says "MOST RANDOMEST SHIT EVER." I ask her if she remembers he user for the computers, she gave it to me. I went for the computer, but every computer I touched said "no signal" or I woudl restart it & it said it didn't work. I got upstairs, the guy I like, with his ex agian. Science class, I got called down to Guidance. I came back two minutes later, the door was locked & I stood outside for about 20 minutes. I knocked the door one last time, & he finally opened when I sat on the floor. I quickly scrabbled to my feet to walk in. Whole class laughed. In history class there was no teacher & when I was just about to skip, a teacher comes. When I get out of clas, I wait for Ry & the guy I like to get out of class so they'll buy lunch with me. They both left me. >3> When I came back to eat my lunch with my friends, I asked that guy if he wanted to eat pho after our history exam. I got so rejected. I felt a burn after he said no. It wasn't even on a date. In woodshop, I got the biggest headache. Everyone kept on asking stupid questions. Gym, I cried a little, forehead hurt. Aussie guy told me to turn taht frown upsidedown & have me a high five. It was cute but, not in the mood. Also, according to Jewels, Stephie, which uis his ex, have him a hug. FML!FML!FML!

Get over him, It's only High school

I am SICK & TIRED of everyone telling me to "get over him, it's not gonna happen." or "it's only high school, you'll find better guys in university." Firstly, it's not my fault I can't get over him. I fell to hard. I'm sorry. I tried over & over to get over him, but I can't. He's always in my head. Every thought, word, person, thing, remind me of him. I feel butterflies, feel like barfing, breathe rapidly, & almost pass out when I see he's on msn. I double click his name & just stare hoping that he'll be the first one to message me. When he isn't I always scroll up & down waiting for him go go online, spending hours doing that or ranting about him. You think I can get over that? I'd love too. Who am I kidding, I can't even say I'd love too since I like him that much. Why are you telling me to get over him? Nothing's gonna happen, huh? How do you know? I know he only likeazns, but even his friends think there are sparks & somethings going on. It's jjust he's never dated a normal, non-azn girl. Everyone who says that ethier got there heart broke recently or already has someone. His ex-girlfriend got mad at me for rbinging him up so much. So told heit'll never happen, stop dreaming. I've been told things like that all my life, why should I? Screw them, I'll still try, with the few people who think it might work.

Ouch....You hit your head?

"ARGGHHH!!!EVERYTHINGS SPINNING!!" "OMG!Are you okay? What happened?" "Hey Jar was slapping him across the head & the door came that the same time." "Come on, lets just walk." "It feels like everything is shaking." -I held his arm so he wouldn't walk like he was drunk.- -I guide him to a chair- -I buy a super cold drink- "Here - handing Ice Tea to him-" "Ehhh....no thanks." "Dude, put it on your forehead, the swelling should go down, it'll feel better." "OHH!!Right.-puts drink on forehead-" "-Put drink down- I can't hold it up any longer." "-sigh- Here -Holds drink sitting beside him for a while-" "Lets go." "Okayy" I did this for him, what the hell? SRSLY! I'm the onlyperson who cared enough to do anything about what happened, to help you. You ditch me for your ex. Don't you see? SHE'S YOUR EX FOR A REASON!!SHE DUMPED YOU!! ); Stop thinking stop only haven't Chinky thought, try some Kinky thoughts. I mean, I'm the only one you'll get anytime soon. Why not try it. Why am I so mad at you? I can't help it, but I can't stay mad at you. I could never.

Ohh ouch, Achy Breaky Hearts );

Me;...shiz, i'm trying to keep him out of my head
Elaine; alissa we both know thats nto gonna happen
Me; i know ;___; ); you know, those words made me heart ache, pretty badly surpirsing to me
Elaine; my words?
Me; the ones you just said
Elaine; well deal with it alissa. you can still hsng witt him now as friends but seretly inside crushing on him
Me; yeahh i know, but erghh... i'll deal with that later after high school
i'll never have to see him agian
Elaine; yea
Me; i don't want to deal with that now
just let me be happy for now, because it hurts to think of him not liking me to much, let it die down first
... why did this convo with Elaine, Ken's girlfriend hurt me so much? I mean we ARE talknig about her exboyfriend, but god. Teenagers are just suppose to cry, feel hurt for a while & find a new person. Why does it hurt so much for people to tell me I can't have him? GOD!Maybe I do need to get over him. :| -sigh- I hope I didn't really fall inlove with him. That woudl really suck. Loving him, but never getting him, the marrying someone else & we'll never be together. I'll have to live with the average Joe. True love burns the deepest, but I guess will also leave the depest scars.

Listen to Scene List

He talked to me..??

This morning after so long he talked to me in his sweetly voice he usually does. After 5 days I was beginning to feel like he never wanted to talk to me agian. What's with me? Being so needy from a boy. -sigh- I'm just a stupid teenager I guess. Crazy about my love life...I guess if I was guys & he was a girl, I'd be a horny guys for him...her....WHATEVER! This morning, there is always a space beside me & Chrisy, where he sits. He sat there agian today after a few days of keeping away from me. When I said hi, he gave me "the stare". It's extremely scary. The whole time, I could smell, that beautiful smell of him. Annie thinks he smells funny, I think he smells hot... x) I'm lame. We ended up talking about pubic hair & peircing later. I had this convo with his ex, Elaine on Saterday. She told me he kisses sloppy. Maybe it's jsut me, but I think it's sexy when guys kiss taht way. I bothers me when tehy kiss to neat, or are scared to do anything more then a basic kiss. It bothers me taht a guy has no balls to take the lead & TRY to make out. That all reminds me of my ex. -shivers- Why do I seem to want him so much? I have him, almost, but I want him more.This makes me sound horny, I swear I'm not. It's just I'm so into him. I've never liked anyone this much, this long. (I was in science class when I wrote everything before.) At lunch, we walked together & he gave me this hus with his face was in my chest. It's the first time ever since he's taller. I liked it. I'M NOT HORNY! ); Anyways, he held my arm as we walked downstairs. I hung out by his class before I was late for mine. He didn't tell me to go to class for once. We joked around. Someone kicked him in his butthole. I laughed, he laughed. His smell, so sweet. I want to lick him when I smell him. (Not horny >3>)We talked about how fat we were when we were kids. He said "You told me I was cute, you liked me." I nearly blushed infront of him when he said that. His arms are so warm. I could fall asleep for eternity in his arms. God, what's with me & him? I dance with tears in my eyes when I think about him liking someone else. I had to skipped last period so I didn't see him after school. I wish a was fading because this makes me feel broke inside. ERGHH! I almost forgot about the major pain I had this morning at like 2 am for nearly two hours. It hurt when I moved at all. Sometimes it hurt even when I breathed. It felt like someone was ripping out my ovaries & stabbing a sharp stick in the holes they ripped out the ovaries.

FML - Entry One

Let me just say Eff my Life. ): Now a days guys get their guy periods, teachers get pissed off, parents are douche bags. What happened to the hardcore people I knew last month? Today sucked so badly, I couldn't cry or smile or give off one facial expresstion that was real. The one person who makes me feel like no guy I've met before could make me so secure, & all the questions I'm asking in my head like are yuo the one should I really trust made me feel like barfing today. He wasn't there in the morning because he skipped to sleep in. I saw hi mat lunch when he just came, no words were spoken out of his smooth lips. My stomach flipped over & over as a walked past him feeling like something was missing today. Not one word did he say to me this whole day. This girl, it was his exgirlfriend. She dumped him because she never really liked him & she got annoyed, he's been with her for that past 3 days. Is he ingnoring me for her? That slut? He's being a douche to me. Why? I care SOO much about him, & on monday & tuesday he made me origami to make me smile. The next day I made him an origami piano. He left it on the floor & stepped on it as he left. I had a major project due today. I didn't print out my part, my science teacher kicked out one of my parners, we were unprepared with out the other person & had to wing it.ERGHH!Today's a stupid day.

blogs...

I was looking up piercings when I stubbled upon this blog (http://xemox-xbabyx.xanga.com/?uni47224420-direction=p&uni47224420-nextdate=7%2F29%2F2009+9%3A31%3A34.727). I could relate to this girl. I found her blog was intresting. I felt sad, but happy to read it. It was refreshing. I was kind of wondering about different things after that. New hair cut, am I really fat, does he even like me as a friend? Today wasn't a good day for me either so it conforted me. That guy I really do like, he was beign a douche & I swear he was have his guy period. WHATEVER! (That's notreally how I feel about that). I couldn't print out a part of my big project. Everyone made me feel like they didn't care, unless it was Annie or Mickey. I felt so sad. I had mhim this origami piano, he just left it on the floor & stepped on it. A tear shed so I just let it fall instead of let anyone notice. -sigh- It's just everyone was beign a douche bag today. :/

weight

Maybe it's just me, but I think I'm extremely fat. I weigh 108, & my height doesn't help(5'1). Like Ik now it's average, but I feel fat. I think I have to much curves. I don't mind the weight, it's just I don't like the way it looks. 16 year olds are very much into the way they look, but come on. I do anything to make myself slim. When I was younger, my tummy was this flat, tight one, but now it's more like this layer of fat. I used to be skinnier a while ago, mostly because I was a yoyo bulimic. I'd get depressed & barf, which I'd do very often since I would be depressed alot. That's why I don't weight 120 like I used to. I want to be skinny, no curves, maybe it's just me, but I think curves are nasty. I'll try to work out to lose weight or something.

partyy...

this weekend i went to a party. it was fun. a guy i the guy i like was there. i swear he was hitting on me. We spent the whole time together. he was tracing his finger on my rib cages, tickled my toes, rapped his arm around my waist, both rubbed & pushed his arms agianst muy thighs, touching my hands & arms, touched my butt, put his arm around me, & when i was using my chest as a coster he gentley touched my breasts to take it off. I got a spinter from jumping over a fence. We were having a water balloon fight & he was going to throw it to me, but he saw I was hurt & he freaked out took me inside, & took it out. Our faces were so close I could smell his sweet scent. Our faces sweating, only inches apart. When he looked up at me I was holdig in the kiss I wanted to give him. I washed off any dirt & ran out of the house to have more fun. He ran after me & put his arms around me. I was in pain since it was burning outside & I had no shoes on. I went for a walk with me friends Jewels when I came back he asked where we went. He was laying down sideways on the couch & I layed on him sitting upwards, but still on him around his private area(weird place, i know). We played king when I was doing that. Whne we got king we asked each otehr what numbers we had so we wouldn't have to do anything. After we played twister. Both of us were in the same position just in different places. Again, sweating his face so cute, an inch apart, why couldn't I kiss him? It was weird we always act like this when we go out, but when we got back to school, it was different. He started to give me cute origami things. They made me smile, but why wouldn't he touch me. At the party i slapped hsi arse & he gave me a hug around my waist, at school i slapped hsi arse & he asked
why am i the one getting slapped for?" what happened?